The Escapist

by a glass box

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04:46
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06:00
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05:22
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05:18
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05:41
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04:51
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04:26
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09:19

about

a glass box presents "the escapist," an hour-long exploration of the notions of escapism, isolation, and the ever-turbulent emotional landscape.
our deepest fears and desires lead us to haunt ourselves with fantasies nestled within the darkest realms of our consciousness.

credits

released November 12, 2013

Delilah Luna (lyrics, music)

tags

license

all rights reserved

about

a glass box New York, New York

my name is delilah luna and i'm a queer trans girl from boston (currently in NYC)

a glass box is an exploration of mental illness, trauma, queerness, the east coast, youth, and everything that life has given me and taken from me

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Track Name: 4:17 PM
Notice how our lives are
Just circles breaking apart
In time you'll see me
Fade into a smile

Here I've been for you
Take time from your day
To write…

Our youth has been betrayed
Those aren't the same eyes
That created your problems
From my solutions

Here I've been for you
Take time from your day
To write memories with me

Sunbeams through gray
Warm thoughts pervade
Regret that you won't stay
We'll just float away

Those aren't your eyes
Those aren't your hands
That's not your smile
That's not you, that's not me

Here I've been for you
Take time from your day
To write memories with me

Your soul
Your soul
Your soul
Your soul
Your soul
Track Name: Comatose
We're not as we appear, you know
But you still know who I am, so...
The shape of my face may lie
Even if you ask me why

And I'll lay, lay you to rest

Go and find yourself, 'cause I know we're not
About to give in, it's a worth a shot
She makes it hard to tell just what you need
It ain't easy when you're about to bleed

And I'll lay, lay you to rest
And I'll sleep...

And I'll sleep by your side
So that we will never die

And I'll lay, lay you to rest
And I'll sleep, sleep by your side

And I'll sleep by your side
So that we will never die
Fall into the dark of the daylight
So that we can live through the night

And I'll lay, lay you to rest
And I'll sleep, sleep by your side
Track Name: To Belong
Does it worry you to be alone?
Does it pain you to have faith?
Are you afraid that others know
How you shove the past away?

Don't you wish that she would stay?
But you can’t hide yourself away
Does it make you suffocate
To not even know your fate?

You’re looking through a pane of glass
Watching the world slip away
You’re looking in a rearview mirror
As you drive through disarray

So hold onto yourself
Don’t fall away
Can you make yourself,
Make yourself pray?

You’re turning into something else
Something you can’t explain
You pray to bring yourself some peace
But you know people don’t change

You’re looking through a pane of glass
Watching the world slip away
You’re looking in a rearview mirror
As you drive through disarray

So hold onto yourself
Don’t fall away
Can you make yourself,
Make yourself pray?

Does it make you suffocate
To not even know your fate?

So hold onto yourself
Don’t fall away
Can you make yourself,
Make yourself pray?
Can you break yourself?
Promise that you’ll stay?
Can you make yourself,
Make yourself change?
Track Name: Just Like Bliss
Censor my words and color my thoughts
With your painted hands
I swallowed your pills and swallowed my doubt
I washed myself inside out

So watch me now, ‘cause I can’t stop
I want to drown in your thoughts
Let me crawl under your skin
I want to know exactly where you’ve been (Yeah)

Do you realize that my thoughts just can’t stop?
My whole world slows down when your heartbeat drops

Let’s dance, babe
I want to get to know your groove
Come inside and play
I promise that I won’t bite (Yeah)

Do you realize that my thoughts just can’t stop?
My whole world slows down when your heartbeat drops (Yeah, it drops)

I can feel your heartbeat through your chest
I can hear your thoughts running through your head
Do you realize? (Yeah)

Do you realize that my thoughts just can’t stop?
My whole world slows down when your heartbeat drops
Censor my words and color my thoughts
Just watch me now, ‘cause I can’t stop
Track Name: The World Ends with You
I can feel myself fall into the sun
Watching the empty spaces drift by
I know exactly how my story will end
‘Cause I’m a part of the rewrite

I’m waiting for you here
So that you can devour my fear

I’m just drowning in the background noise
No one can find me now
You’re like a brand new day
But your dawn ain’t about to break

I’m alive, but losing sleep
I’m like a secret that you can’t keep

You cut me right in two
Yeah, the world might end with you

You say you’d jump in front of a bullet for me
But what you don’t realize is, well, you’re the one who fired the gun

I’m falling into
The world that ends with you
I might not pull through
But the world ends with you
Track Name: Ultraviolet
Where are we going?
I’ve never gone this far
Who will catch me if I fall?
I don’t think I want to stop

Watch as I fade away
As the noises fill my head

The colors on the wall are painted
Over the picture of who I once was
See where you missed a spot?
That’s where you’ll find me now

As the noises fill my head

Of all the colors in the world
Only the darkest fill the empty spaces

The truth of the matter is that I’m not entirely sure where I am
The only thing that really matters now is that I know where I’m supposed to be
It’s funny how you find that you can’t ever really know who you are
I know that I just want to stop

As the noises fill my head

Of all the colors in the world
Only the darkest fill the empty spaces

I don’t, I don't, I don't want to stop
I don’t, I don’t, I don’t want to stop
I don't, I don’t, I don’t

Of all the colors in the world
Only the darkest fill the empty spaces
Of all the sounds in the world
Only the emptiest fill my head
Track Name: The Escapist
I am beautifully lost in my fantasy
Watching the whole world burn below me
Some worlds are built on sinking earth
Splitting apart as I see its rebirth

I can hear a voice in my head
I can feel a void in my head
I can’t take this noise in my head
I want to know that I’m

Escaping the whole world around me
Waiting for the dark to consume me
Hoping that this illusion will set me free
I can’t wait to

My life works in oscillations, thoughts coming like waves
Shaping the wires and data within me
I am made of shadows and chemicals, someone I can’t save
You can find me drowning in the background noise
I’ll be the one wearing sleeves of red

I need the voice in my head
I want the void in my head
I crave the noise in my head
I want to feel like I’m

Escaping the whole world around me
Waiting for the dark to consume me
Hoping that this illusion will set me free
I can’t wait to

I just wanted to let you know
That I don’t know where to go

So I’ll just
Stay right here
Within my fantasy

I can’t wait to

Escaping the whole world around me
Waiting for the dark to consume me
Hoping that this illusion will set me free
I can’t wait to drown in my sea
Of thoughts and voices that can’t be
I know that nothing can help me
When will I be able to see
That I can’t wait to stop being me

(I’m lost in the background noise)
I want to watch myself burn
(I’m lost in the background noise)
I want to fall in the void
(I’m lost in the background noise)
I need to die on my own
Track Name: You Think You Can Find Me?
So, you think you’ve got me pinned down
Like some kind of fool
Well, you’ve got some colors in your head
I can pull them out and paint them for you
You said,
“We’re going down, down into some kind of…”
Do you think I’m a field for your rays to spread?
Well, baby, I got news for you

I’m no longer here
For your temptations to interfere

So, why do you keep
Searching for me?
Like I said,
“I’m going back up to the surface for…”

I’m not coming back here
So leave your colors and your sounds and keep your fear

So, do you think you can find me, then?
(Baby, here’s my question for you)
Well, do you think you define me, ‘cause?
(I can tell you right now, baby, it’s not true)

I’m somewhere I don't know
A place where nothing can touch me
Where I
Can speak out in the empty spaces
It’s a little hard
To speak when you’ve shoved sand down my throat
Do you think you’re special,
Just because you’ve come this far?

So, do you think you can find me, then?
(Baby, here’s my question for you)
Well, do you think you define me, ‘cause?
(I can tell you right now, baby, it’s not true)

Why do you think
I’ll lay myself out bare?
Like I said,
“I’m going back up to the surface for some air”
It seems that you think
You’ve got me right down to my soul
‘Cause you said,
“We’re going down, down into some kind of black hole”

So, do you think you can find me, then?
(Baby, here’s my question for you)
Well, do you think you define me, ‘cause?
(I can tell you right now, baby, it’s not true)
Do you think you can find me, I?
(Will never see us as a set of two)
Will never be set free
Track Name: Tell Me About the Things I Can Never Have
I feel nothing when you talk about me
I don't think I can fall asleep with so much noise in my head
This fucking bleeding heart of mine stains your skin
I can pretend like I can feel your hands in mine

And I never thought this house could drown
I just want to watch myself burn to the ground

I'm addicted
To my infection

Where were we when we came in?
How could we choose so little and still save so much?
It's not like you'll ever see me the same way again
I am a crossroads in which every path is misled

And I never thought this house could drown
I just want to watch myself burn to the ground

I'm convicted
To desperation

It's a fine line between insomnia and narcolepsy

We're looking for a permanent solution
When we’ve already found a temporary one

We’re looking for a permanent solution
(It’s a fine line between…)
When we’ve already found a temporary one
(…Insomnia and narcolepsy)

It’s a fine line between insomnia and narcolepsy
Track Name: Sinking
I am sinking down further every day
I can feel the walls of silk wrap around my skin
Feel it coming down

Barely scratching the surface for some air
I can feel myself drown from within
The water’s rising

(Whoa) Reach down and pull me up from my sea
(Whoa) Before I sink to the bottom, please
(Whoa) Take me away from this dark cage before
(Whoa) I’m crushed by this weight I can’t restrain

I’m losing focus on whatever’s keeping me here
Maybe this whole thing’s just a dream, a product of my fear
Save me before I’m…

(Whoa) Reach down and pull me up from my sea
(Whoa) Before I sink to the bottom, please
(Whoa) Take me away from this dark cage before
(Whoa) I’m crushed by this weight I can’t restrain

Breath in, breath out, that’s good
Just relax, listen to my voice
Follow me, I’ll take you somewhere safe
Breath in, breath out, just keep breathing
Don’t worry, the water won’t choke you
You’re safe with me, as long as you don’t go back

(Whoa) Reach down and pull me up from my sea
(Whoa) Before I sink to the bottom, please
(Whoa) Take me away from this dark cage before
(Whoa) I’m crushed by this weight I can’t restrain
Track Name: A Word
One, two, three, four

If I make it through this night
I’ll make sure to lend a hand
I’ll throw on the light
I’ll make sure to follow your plan

If I make it through this day
I’ll make sure to postpone
The thoughts that pull me away
So I’ll never be alone again

I’ll promise to never be myself

If it’ll help you fall asleep
I’ll find a way to hold in
These secrets that I keep
And I’ll tell you exactly where I’ve been

If it’ll calm down your nerves
I’ll put the demons in my soul
In a hell that they deserve
And I’ll never let myself be whole

I’ll promise to never be myself anymore
I’d rather spend all my nights alone

I’d rather choke on my own bones
I will make sure to die all alone
I’d rather drown in my own tears
With all my medicated fears

As long as I promise to never be myself again

I will be the burden on your back
I will be the smile that you force
I will be the pain before a heart attack
I will be the skin that grows coarse

My heart will resume its beat
As the car tears down the street
My sins I never will atone
And I’ll make sure to die all alone
Track Name: By Moonlight
I’ve been waiting for this moment to arrive
I’ve been chasing the thoughts that have brought me here
Where do we go from here?
I’ve all but disappeared

Where do we go from here?
My thoughts no longer bring me fear
I’ve stopped listening to that voice
And now I’m ready

To make own my choices
No longer will I stand for this
I’ve escaped myself
Into the abyss

And under the moonlight
After all the oceans that I’ve crossed
I can see the faces of those I’ve left behind

And all of the noises
That once consumed me whole
Are now just empty spaces
Waiting for me to let go of my soul

And under the moonlight
After all the chasms that I’ve crossed
I can hear the voices fading into the void

I’ll never be whole again
This is my last remorse
I’ll never be myself again
This is my last regret

All the empty spaces
Where I’ve hid myself away
I’ll never go back there
Until the claws tear me limb from limb

And under the moonlight
After all the voids that I’ve crossed
I can feel the parts of me that were lost

This is where I get off
This is my final goodbye

Where do we go from here?
Where do we go from here?
Where do we go from here?
Where do we go from here?