In Which We Find Ourselves Alone with Only Our Thoughts for Company

by a glass box

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about

a glass box presents "in which we find ourselves alone with only our thoughts for company," a 45-minute exploration of the idea of transitions, abandonment, and leaving the past behind.
when all is lost, when all is empty, when you find yourself alone with everyone you've ever known now gone, how can you be sure that you're still you?

credits

released March 2, 2015

Delilah Luna (lyrics, music)

special thanks to:
Will King (music)
Rebecca Hanschell (album cover photo)

tags

license

all rights reserved

about

a glass box New York, New York

my name is delilah luna and i'm a queer trans girl from boston (currently in NYC)

a glass box is an exploration of mental illness, trauma, queerness, the east coast, youth, and everything that life has given me and taken from me

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Track Name: Leaving Home
I think I should be leaving now
It’s time that I took my final bow

Where were you when you left home?
(The curtain closes now; touch me before the light dims)
This is how the angels grow
(Our final laments will only be pitied by the dead)

Tonight the stars won’t light the way
But I can see the road as clear as day

Where were you when you left home?
(I’ve tried them all but they’ve only left me an empty shell)
This is how the angels grow
(Save my soul before its damned to eternal hell)
Where were you when you left home?
(Please, please, please, I promise that I’ll change)
This is how the angels grow
(Then again, why should I? You never will)

I wish you could save my soul
Before the dark swallows me whole
By the time you find this note
I’ll be leaving home

I’ve spent the past few years
Living in all my medicated fears

Where were you when you left home?
(Before you go, there’s just one thing I wanted to say)
This is how the angels grow
(You never really existed, because you were just in my head)

By the time you find this note
I’ll be leaving home

Before you go, there’s just one thing I need to say
I’m all alone, you’re just in my head

Where were you when you left home?
This is how the angels grow
Where were you when you left home?
Where were you when you left home?
Track Name: Incinerate
Breathe in all of your hate
The fire will keep you warm
All you have to do is segregate

The feelings that penetrate
Your fragile heart, they keep you awake

Dose up and close your eyes, you commiserate
Open your mind to the void, incinerate

Breathe out into the empty space, it fills you in
Watch for the dark souls that may guide you away
Take out your pills and tabs and all your razor blades
And kill your doubts before they take…

Dose up and close your eyes, you premeditate
Open your love to the void, incinerate

Dose up and close your eyes, you hallucinate
Waiting for the medicine, the medicine, the medicine to attenuate
The noise in your head that tells your heart to wait
To spill all your hate
Track Name: How the War Was Won
I wrote this song for you
So that this might get through
We only talk now and then
But I won’t let you hurt me again

So, when the moon eclipses the light
Will you be there to hold me tight?
How do you sleep at night?

Why did you lie to me?
Why can’t you just let it die with your disease?
Let’s call it an honest mistake
So I can spend all night awake

Why can’t you admit you’re a fake?
So that I can lie here awake
And spend all my time alone
With only my thoughts to cope

So, when the moon eclipses the light
Will you be there to hold me tight?
How do you sleep at night?

I’m feeling all right

So, when the moon eclipses the light
Will you be there to hold me tight?
How do you sleep at night?

I’m feeling all right
Track Name: Phosphene
Driving faster all alone in the dark
Empty bottle in hand before we disembark
And every time I think of you
I want to drown my sorrows in a jar
And every time I think of you
I find myself all alone

How do I sleep without you?
How do I trust myself knowing the truth?

Popping benzodiazepines and alcohol
‘Til my memory’s wiped clean from the start
And every time I think of you
I want to swallow razors ‘til I choke
And every time that I miss you…

How do I sleep without you?
How do I trust myself knowing the truth? (Oh no)

Why don’t you just look me in the eye?
Why do you think you that you can lie and I won’t find out? (Yeah)

Now every time I think of you
I just want to cut my goddamn heart out

And I just want you back in my bed
But we both know that will never happen again
And there’s this light in the corner of my eye
That will burn out only when I move on from you
Track Name: Quiet (Interlude)
[instrumental]
Track Name: When the Time Comes
Maybe I’ll get some rest for a moment or two
Without these pills to pop for you

And my heart will race and split right in two
Maybe this pain in the side of my head will reside in you

Hold your tongue
Before I take a knife and slice it out from your mouth
Take another look at yourself
Before the tremors start to take your breath away

And my heart will race and split right in two
Maybe this pain in the side of my head will subside for you

When the time comes
You’ll greet me with a smile
When the time comes
You’ll be there to say goodbye

And my heart will race and split right in two
Maybe this pain in the side of my head will come inside of you

Maybe this pain in my head will kill you
Track Name: Winter
I will wait for this to pass
For the sun to break the clouds at last

My thoughts will thaw
If you come close
‘Til the heat from your heart
Burns me alive

Wait for winter to pass
Until you shatter the walls of glass

We’re born into a world
One that does not want us

The heat from your heart
Burns me alive

Wait for winter to pass
Until you shatter the walls of glass

A world where the scent of spring never comes
A world where the sounds of summer never speak
Take me someplace else, take me somewhere, please
Before the winter takes my last breath

Luna, please take me somewhere else
Somewhere where I can breathe
A place where the sun shines down on me
A place where the snow does not fall
I said, Luna, please take me somewhere else
Somewhere where I can scream
A world where no one hurts me
A world where winter never comes
Track Name: Rarely, If Ever
Do you remember the night that he was born?
I could see the part of me in you was torn
From the depths of your heart as I was told
That I would never be enough, no matter what
Do you remember that night when I came home?
The time I lied but I just wanted your support
Instead you cried, but I just wanted you to hold me
Fuck you I just wanted you to hold me

Let’s dance the night away
We’ll stay up ‘til dawn before this is gone
Let’s wait ‘til light of day
If you wanted to fly, please just say goodbye

I spent nights at parties when I was only eight
Talking about politics and real estate
Like some kind of prodigy, you all saw
But you never had the time to play along
I spent nights alone when I was only ten
When I should have had some goddamn friends
To tell me that there’s nothing bad
With feeling like my body’s wrong
Now that little kid you loved is all grown up
Slicing her wrists to watch the blood pour
Swallowing all these tabs and pills
Until she’s passed out on the fucking floor
Why should I care to make new friends if all the old ones disappear?
Why should I care to make amends when nothing ever seems clear?

Let’s dance the night away
We’ll stay up ‘til dawn before this is gone
Let’s wait ‘til light of day
If you wanted to fly, please just say goodbye

How can you expect me to come home?
When there’s nothing left except the darkest hole
You left me here to wither and die
And now I can’t wait to try
Every new way to pass the time
Even if it means drinking ‘til I cry
I’ll pour my heart out ‘til it runs dry
But goddamn if I didn’t wish for you to come by
Let’s play a game where you lie
About every single person you’ve ever met
Let’s play a game where you try
To pretend there’s no reason for us to ever forget
Yeah, but when everyone I know is dosed up on drugs
Why should I be the one to hold us together before this dies?
Why the fuck should I even try?
Are you still there?
Are we lovers?
Are you still there?
Are we nothing?
Rarely, if ever, have I felt peace
Fuck you I just wanted you to hold me

Fuck you I just wanted you to hold me
Fuck you I just wanted to find peace
Track Name: An Exit (Home Reprise)
Tonight the stars won’t light the way
And I won’t live to see the day

Where you were you when you left home?
This is how my darkness grows

I think I should be leaving now
It’s time that I tore my fucking heart out

Where were you when you left home?
Where were you when you consumed me whole?
Where were you when you left home?
Where were you when you left home?

Where were you when you broke me to pieces?
Where were you when I held a knife to my wrists?
Where were you when the blood began to pour?
Where you when you left?
Track Name: Empire
Wherever you find home, you’ll have to let it fall to pieces
Just close your eyes and pretend it’s just a pill
Whenever you come home, you’ll find there’s no one left to talk to
You’ll find that you’ve been left behind

When the time has come to pass
Just let the black void take you
The darkness will keep you safe and sound
You’ll find yourself six feet underground

And where were you tonight?
What did you leave behind?
When will you be back tonight?

Where were you when you left home?
This is how the silence grows

We’ve spent the last few years
Living with all your sedated fears

And where were you tonight?
What did you leave behind?
When will you be back tonight?

Whenever you come home, you’ll see it’s fallen to pieces
Just close your eyes and take another sip

Whenever you come home
You’ll see the empire you left behind
Whenever you find home
You’ll see there’s no one around you

(Whenever you come home)
The world might end with you, but it’s still the home that you grew in
(Wherever you find home)
Just close your eyes and swallow this pill
(Whenever you come home)
If everyone’s around you, aren’t you still alone?
(Wherever you find home)