A night in September
Collapsed on the floor
But we can’t remember
What all this was for

But I can’t fake
All the empty smiles I make

But I am free
As helpless as I seem
Free from the fear
That keeps me from sleep
But not in my dreams

But am I really weak?
As helpless as I seem
I’m scared that my mother will die
Like the time my brother found her wrapped in curtains
With blood on the floor
Or what about the time my father told me to cut my skin
And cry myself to sleep
His eyes were dead and nothing he said made me feel
Like I would ever be safe again
Maybe I’m weak for thinking about these things
Over and over and over in my head
But I think I need to just start things
Over again as a different person

But I am free
As helpless as I seem
Free from the fear
That keeps me from sleep
But not in my dreams, but not in my dreams
But I am here
As reckless as I’ve been
Tonight I will sleep
For as long as I live

It was raining out when I stepped onto the pavement
The drops were hitting my skin so calm and gently
You know a year can change you
One day you’re staring into headlights, only to wake up four years later still
Wondering why you didn’t keep laying on the ground
Some day I’d like to fall asleep before the sun comes up
Instead of thinking about all the times I said, “no I’d rather stay home”
‘Cause oh my god when will I fucking
Learn that this means nothing, if I weren’t so lazy, I’d

Pick up the bottle now and again, I’d cut deeper than a simple scratch
I’d call you to tell you that I miss you now and then, I
Feel like people are always lying to me, hiding from me, hiding their
Truth from me, like they can see me for the monster I’ve truly become
And yet I still think back to all the times my parents
Told me that my body is broken, that I mean nothing
That despite my best efforts, I have to prove that I’m still
Worth love, worth love, worth love, worth love

We weren’t artists, we weren’t creators, we were salvaged, but not saviors
We were just kids running around the playground pretending to be others
Like my father once told me, do you think you’re fucking special for wanting
To kill yourself, to kill yourself, to kill yourself, to kill yourself?
Try working since you were eight, try healing from a broken
Childhood, well maybe I did, maybe I did spend all those
Years hating myself, choking myself, waiting in fear and pain for
Death to come, well, don’t you think I’ve had enough?

But I’m so scared of dying, I’m so scared of living
And I’m so scared of everything that God has never given me
Tell me about the things that I can never have
Until I’m ready to burn in hell for all the sins that I have cut into my skin
That I’ve cut into my skin
That I’ve come to love again
That I’ve come to fear again

I set myself on fire to burn those around me